Tag Archives: solitude


12 Aug

I’m off work this week. I realized that I hadn’t taken a week off since last August. What????? How did that happen? So a week off it is!

And for the first time in 4 years, I’m also taking the same time off my part-time job too. So I have a whole week with no work of any sort! I’m so excited.

But I don’t want to be a sloth and just sit on the couch all day every day. So I’m going to be deliberate in what I do each day. I’m also trying to use it to break my TV habit.

I’ll report back at the end of the week. But so far, so good!

Alone in a crowded room

1 Nov

It’s been a long week. Very busy at work. Which is good, but still tiring. And I think I’m fighting some sort of bug because my energy’s been super low.

I mentioned before that I had to take the week off last week from the gym to rest my shins. I went today and tried to take it slow. I think not going to the gym has affected me. I learned a while ago that working out is an excellent way for me to stay at an even keel and not go thinky. Well, maybe just not go thinky as often.

I say all that because I’ve had a moment tonight of doubting myself. Of feeling alone in a crowded room. Of not feeling adequate.

And I’m not sure exactly why. Could be the tiredness. Could be Showcase is in a week and I’m starting to get excited about that. Could be a cold. Could just be the phase of the moon. I don’t think it’s important to know WHY (although that certainly makes it easier to push through it); it’s important to just realize it and start to pull myself out of it.

Just a few more minutes of wallowing and feeling sorry for myself, and then pull myself out of it I will. I’m going to bed (early!) after I post this. Tomorrow night, I’m getting together with a bunch of ladies from the dance studio for a girls night. And then I’ll sleep a lot.

And then this weekend: dancing, getting together with friends, and relaxing. I need to set some time aside for ME to just relax: read, knit, maybe watch a movie, go to the gym.

You know, take care of me.

Perspective through rainbows

22 Jun

It’s been raining a lot here in Minnesota lately. In fact, there was a pretty bad flood in Duluth on Monday. (For those of you not from here, Duluth is about 3 hours north of the Twin Cities. So luckily no flood here.)

Tuesday night, as I was driving home, I was tired. And a bit cranky just from being tired. And still overwhelmed with all the crap to do this week. And there was road construction on the highway, so the last mile of my commute was stop-and-go – mostly stop. At that point, I just wanted to be home.

And I happened to look to my left. And saw this.

The picture doesn’t do it justice.

It was a stunning rainbow. You could see the whole arc over the horizon. Apparently it was a double rainbow too, although I didn’t see that.

And it made me stop (not literally, I was driving) and just observe nature for a second. How beautiful it can be. How peaceful. And how little my problems seem in comparison to the giant thing that is nature.

I felt better.

I don’t mean to belittle mine or anyone else’s problems. But just watching nature…you realize how small and insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things in the universe. So I’ve tried to take that feeling with me the last few days. Trying to remember how I felt when I saw it.

And then last night, I danced. It’s the first time I’ve danced all week. And I tried to not think, not worry, not overanalyze. And I tried to let the joy in.

And it worked.

Happy Saturday

3 Jun

Yesterday was a fantastic day. Work, dance class, lunch with SR, dance lesson, drinks with MH. And a bunch of errands too. So it was a long day, but very productive.

And happy. Dance class was very educational and funny – crazy teachers! Lunch with SR was fun. My dance lesson went well – no thinky place and no funk. Just lots of progress. Cocktails outside at one of the best patios in town with MH on a beautiful day – so relaxing and enjoyable. Got my errands done after that, which meant lots of checking off the to-do list.

I was so happy.

I went for a walk in between the dance class and lunch with SR. I walked around the neighborhood – oh I miss living there! But I’ve been started to kinda get interested in photography, so I took my camera with me and started taking pictures. My friend AL is a photographer, and she recommended that the best way to start to understand is to practice. Take a bunch of shots and see how they look to start to learn. It was such a beautiful day, and I was back in my awesome neighborhood, so I just took pictures – trying not to look like a stalker in the process.

And they say there’s no green space in the city. What??


Love the architecture in the neighborhood


Such a cute house – although waaaaay too big for me.


Love the red accents that match the flowers




Another pretty




Gorgeous day


Yep, gotta some stuff to learn with photography. But that was the point, right? To start learning.

That day made me so happy. And content. And at peace. Happy sigh.

A weekend to take care

27 Apr

Last weekend, I planned on hanging out at home, relaxing and recharging. I was going to hang with friends, make jewelry, and just be by myself. A weekend to recharge and reenergize. Which was desperately needed.

And it didn’t happen.

Saturday got crazy. I went to the dance class, ran a quick errand (which turned out to take much longer due to all the road construction around town – sigh), meet MH for coffee, had a dance lesson, ran more errands, and went home. Sunday, I worked on gluing rhinestones all day. So I got a lot done, just not a lot that would reenergize me.

And I’m fried still.

So…this weekend, I will. Tomorrow, I have an appointment, and that’s the only thing on my calendar. I have some errands to run and some gluing to do, but I should be able to do all of that on Saturday, leaving Sunday for me. I need to do that. I need to sleep, rest, and recharge.

Think I can do it?

Rain, rain go away!

7 Apr

It’s cold and rainy here in Minnesota today.

Grey skies, 47 degrees, rainy…good sleeping weather. Seriously, it makes me want to curl up in a blanket and either read or watch movies.

I actually had a pretty busy day planned. Appointments in the morning, meeting friend KB for coffee, then maybe the gym, work at the part-time job a bit, maybe take some pictures, dance lesson, home. A long day, but a pretty good one.

Except that it all got screwed up. My appointments were fine, but one was at 8am which meant getting up at 6:30. Gross. Then KB had to postpone til next weekend – totally understandable but still disappointing. The weather…oof, that killed any motivation for the gym I had. So I went to the noon dance class instead. Which was fine. I hadn’t been in a while. I brought my laptop so I could work on my part-time job stuff at a coffee shop, but I forgot the paper I needed to refer to to do that. So after the dance class, I went across the street to my favorite little bistro/coffee shop and had lunch. Now I’m here, killing time until my lesson, and updating you all on the fascinating events that are my life.

All I really want to do is take a nap. But that means schlepping back to my parents, napping for about 30 minutes, and then schlepping back to St Paul. No energy for that today – plus who wants to spend gas money on that? So here I am.

Probably none of this would bother me if I weren’t so tired and sad. I feel a weight on me today, and it’s really hard to overcome it in weather like this. I’m trying to push through it and not give in to it. I am going to see JF tonight for a drink, which will be awesome. That should help me somewhat. It also doesn’t help that my contacts are so dry today, I can hardly see out of them. So I need to get some saline and rinse them.

Ugh, I need to cheer up. Which begs the question: What do you do to cheer yourself up? Sigh. I need to figure out the little (and cheap!) things I can do to help myself feel better. I think right now, the best thing is to not wallow. So I think I’ll do the crossword instead to get my mind off the rain and the dreariness.

Weekly roundup

5 Dec

*Made so-so chicken pot pie, but had an awesome time hanging out with KC while eating it.

*Visited the amazing AW for a massage and brow wax at her new salon. Well, it’s not HER salon; she doesn’t own it. She just changed salons that she worked at.

*Last day in my crappy old job. Woo hoo!

*Added stuff to vodka to make infused vodka as Christmas presents. It’s now just chillin’.

*Great dance coaching with Bobby Gonzalez. Rumba open freestyle now “choreographically upgraded”. But that means more technique work…the next level of cuban motion.

*Lots of blog posts – yay, writing!

*Knitted a coffee sleeve. Maybe make more to sell on Etsy?

*Had relaxing but busy weekend at home – parents were in Chicago visiting my sister. Ahhh, solitude.

*Fun post on how to be a good dance student. Would love to show that to certain students at my studio.

*Worked out twice. YAY! (Although not as much as I wanted, but still an improvement over previous weeks.)

*Successfully made tea-ring with the correct yeast.

*Made more earrings to give as Christmas presents and to sell.

*Took a step back and pondered if I’m really in the process of reinventing myself.

*Did my dance homework: bolero basic and cuban motion.

*Made some progress in my book reading (yep, still working on “A Team of Rivals”).

*One new blog follower and two new likes on Facebook. Spread the word, people!

I want to be alone…kinda

9 Aug

I live with my parents. Now, before you jump to any conclusions, I am not a nearly-4o-something to never moved out of their parents’ house. I moved back last fall to save some money and help my parents out. They still live in the house I grew up in. They’re in the mid-70s, so taking care of a 2-story, 4-bedroom house is a lot of work. So I try to help out. Of course, no one can do it as well as they can in their minds, so it’s tough. But we’re figuring it out.

My parents are retired. Good for them – they totally deserve it. However, that means that they’re around A LOT. Like constantly. CONSTANTLY. My dad goes every morning and walks at the mall, stops at the grocery store, and then to the hardware store to make a copy of the crossword in the paper. (He and I both like to do the crossword, so rather than fight over it, he makes a copy every day. Well, every day but Sunday. He doesn’t do the Sunday crossword because “it takes so dang long”. Apparently it gets in the way of watching the Military History channel all day.) My mom goes out occasionally for errands, but she stays at home a lot.

So every 2-3 months, they drive to Chicago for the weekend to visit my sister and her husband and kids. I LIVE FOR THESE WEEKENDS. And this was one of those weekends! Saturday I did the normal Saturday things – therapy appointment, errands, dance class, dance lesson, gym workout. But I added a special errand this Saturday – liquor store! See, my mom isn’t totally comfortable with alcohol in the house. It’s kinda a dry house. OK, not kinda. It is a dry house. I probably could make a case of having an occasional glass of wine or a cocktail; just not sure it’s the battle I want to fight at this moment. ‘Cause it’d be a big one.

(When I moved home, most of my stuff went into storage. But I couldn’t store my liquor nor could I bring it to my parents’ house. All of my liquor – all the wine, vodka, whiskey, gin, Bailey’s, scotch – found a lovely new home in the liquor cabinet of my friends the M’s. Lucky dogs. Must have been like Christmas for them when I dropped that off.)

So I stopped at the liquor store and bought whiskey. I made a cocktail when I got home. Ahhhhh, sweet nectar of the gods! Just to sit in my house and sip a cocktail – heaven!

This weekend, I decided to try something I’ve always wanted to do but never learned because I thought it was too nerdy. But what the hell – I am a nerd, although I usually can hide that from most people. (At least I like to think I can.) I bought a yo-yo and started to learn how to use it and do tricks. You know what? It’s a lot harder than it looks. I made OK progress on the most basic trick. But I had fun learning and working on it. It’s silly, but it was fun.

I realized though on Sunday night that although I enjoyed my solitude, I didn’t really enjoy the fact that I didn’t get out AT ALL after 4:00 on Saturday. Next time I need to find a balance of relishing my rarely-felt solitude with being social.

So lessons learned: be at home and enjoy the quiet but also do something social. Yo-yo tricks are hard. Whiskey is still AMAZING to drink. I’m still a nerd but shhhh….don’t tell anyone.

“When life gives you lemons, go out and find someone whose life has given them vodka.”

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