Tag Archives: marriage

Day #7: Song that reminds you of a certain event

6 Oct

Again, easy.

“Music from the Royal Fireworks” by:

George Frideric Handel

I love classical music (although Beethoven is my favorite, not Handel), and this is such a great piece. And the 4th movement called Le Rejouissance (The Rejoicing) was the recessional at my wedding. And we had the most amazing professional brass quintet playing it!

Although we divorced 10 years later, getting married to TD was exactly the right thing for me to do for who I was at the time. And it still is one of the happiest days of my life. This song takes me back to the recessional and how truly happy I was.

Twue wuv

23 Aug

Recently, my friend KC asked me what I thought love is. We were talking about it in terms of God’s love, but it really made me think about romance and love. What is it? (My first thought was of “The Princess Bride”… mawwiage, true wuv.)

Often in relationships, you can tell which person has outpunted their coverage. You can tell when one person is more in love than the other one is or when one person tries more in the relationship than the other one. I know that no relationship is exactly like it seems from the outside, but you can often get a sense of it.

I know two couples, the D’s and the M’s, where it is equal. The people in these couples are such a good match for each other. I can’t describe it well, but it seems like each one is mostly concerned about making the other one happy without much of a concern for themselves. They also don’t let the little things about each other bug them. That’s not to say they don’t fight, because I know they do and they get frustrated with each other. But they accept the other for who they are and are happy at the end of the day to be with each other.

I especially enjoy watching my friends the M’s. There is such pure JOY in them since they got married. And they’re not smug marrieds – they are just so truly happy with each other. They start their day happy because they have each other, it seems. Again, I know they get upset with each other and get frustrated. But you can just tell they’re well matched for each other, they’re happy with each other, and they deeply love each other.

I was very much in love when I was married. But our relationship wasn’t a partnership. I don’t think either of us was most concerned about the happiness of the other one. We loved each other, but we didn’t know how to love each other in day-to-day life. And that, I think, is key.

I know that there is a practical journey to get to that kind of love. First dates, relationships, trying different people and seeing where the connection is. I’m not the hopeless romantic who thinks it always happens like the movies. (Not anymore, I’m not.) But I want a relationship like that – where you’re so happy just because you’re with the other person.

That’s the kind of love I want. The kind that my friends the D’s and the M’s have. The kind Carrie Bradshaw described as “Real love – ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love”. I do believe it exists and that it isn’t just the hopeless romantic in me. I see the D’s and the M’s, and I know it exists.

“I read once that the ancient Egyptians had fifty words for sand and the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow. I wish I had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move against me when you sleep, and there are no words for that.”

“If you live to be 100, I hope I get to live to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you.”

I always wanted to be part of Sex and the City

6 Aug

One of the things I thought about over the years is my friends. I always felt like I was on the outside and didn’t fit in anywhere because I didn’t have a core group of girlfriends. When it was time to celebrate or cry or go shopping, I didn’t have the same 4 girls to call. I think things like Sex and the City and Friends messed me up even more on that. (Kinda like how romantic comedies have messed me up what a happy ending is, but that’s a topic for another day.)

When I was married, it wasn’t as big of a deal because I had friend TD (see once-husband, see now ex-husband) as the automatic go-to person for celebration and tears. (Not shopping though – needed a girlfriend for that. Oh who am I kidding? I rarely went shopping until about 2 years ago. If I didn’t walk by it on sale or clearance at Target, I didn’t buy it.) Sadly, I think a lot of my married life centered around my husband. I mean sadly only in that I never put myself first nor did I look for relationships/friendships/hobbies/activities/interest outside of TD. Throughout my marriage, I had a few friends left over from my single days. Only a few though. Didn’t talk to them much though.

Divorce hits, and I realize most of my friends were either his friends or our friends, and I didn’t have a ton in common with them. I was also trying to figure out life as a single 30something. So I drifted from those friendships. Friend JF has been a good friend since we were 6 months old living next door to each other. She’s been there for me through it all. I’ve gotten closer to friend TB (see brother) in recent years, and now I count him as a close friend. But I don’t know how much I had for friends beyond that.

Then I started dancing. What a livesaver! (Again, topic for another day.) I met fun people, and after the last few years, I’ve become good friends with a few of them. I’ve met other people in life in the last few years too. So I had a friend here, a friend there, a few friends at the dance studio, another friend here. But I was still missing a core group of friends to hang out with and have automatic plans for New Year’s Eve with. This bugged me a lot. Where were my Carrie and Samantha and Miranda and Charlotte? Where did I automatically fit?

Then a few weeks ago, I realized something. I may not have a core group of good friends in the same circle of friends. And I may not have a ‘best friend’. But in some ways, that may be better. Instead of seeing the same 4 people for everything, I get to go listen to a band with friend AM and her friends one night, go for drinks with friend ND and his buddies another night, hang out with friend LS and our other friends at the dance studio on another night, and talk to friend RM on instant message another day. And these people and a few more are amazing people that inspire me and I know would be there for me when the chips are down. Come to think of it, they have been there for me in those times. I think I’ve cried (or had serious conversations) about different things to each one. And each one has given me the gift of their presence, their experience, their friendship, their laughter, their knowledge and sometimes their liquor. (Crap, I owe friend ND a 6-pack for fishing my earring out of the drain in the sink at work. It’s on its way, ND, it’s on its way – I promise!)

Of course, these friends also make me compare my life to theirs and go “What the hell am I doing with my life? Man, I’m inadequate.” But I think that’s more a part of figuring out who I am than anything else. (Side note, do you think everyone looks at another’s life and thinks theirs doesn’t measure up, but in the meantime someone is looking at your life and feeling theirs is inadequate by comparison? Hmmm….)

How blessed am I to have friends in so many circles and able to be part of and hear about so many different experiences? How great is that I get to have so many awesome friends to lean on, laugh with, cry to and drink with? I’m really starting to enjoy the close friendships I’ve got, especially those I’ve built over the last few years. I’m so lucky!!!!!!!!

“Best friends. They know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen in public with you.” -Unknown

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