When I first read about it, to be honest, I was a bit hurt she didn’t ask me. Then I realized that while I mention dancing, I do talk about a lot of other things here. Not just dancing. And I also realized I haven’t really written about dancing in a long time. Then I wondered why?
Well, some of it is I’m protective of my lessons. I’m not one to share much what’s happened on my lessons, nor do I want to hear what’s being done on other people’s lessons. It’s odd, but those moments on lessons are mine and I’m careful about what I share. Weird, I know. But there ya go. Also, my teacher is an extremely private person, and I try to honor that. So writing about dancing means striking a balance between what I need and want to share, my privacy, and his privacy.
So I’m OK not being part of that village, although I know Stef does like it when I actually talk about dancing. But a big part of my life journey is the journey in dance, and I do want to share that more. In pieces, anyway.
Remember how I told you how tough December was? Part of that showed up in dancing too. I was really hard on myself and getting discouraged as we worked on things. After Showcase, my teacher decided it was time to tackle swing, which has been my bane for a while. (In my opinion, not his.) And I would get super frustrated with myself in not being to quickly apply the new techniques in swing action. Even though I know there are no quick fixes now. The time of quick fixes ended a LONG time ago. But I was getting a bit thinky on it all, and it was compounded by everything else that was going on.
Finally, I think right before the holidays (maybe after? I can’t remember), I talked to my teacher. Just gave him a quick update on what all was going on because he had been very concerned about me. I also told him what was going on at the studio in terms of how I was feeling when I showed up. We talked for a long time about it all. Mr problem-solver had some thoughts, which were helpful. (Why do all men try to fix everything right away?) But one thing he said to me was that he wished I could just focus on the journey and stop expecting so much so soon from myself. Again, goals and high standards are fine – he’s said before that it’s my expectations of the timing in reaching those standards are the problem.
And for some reason, that all sunk in pretty deep this time. Since that conversation, my lessons have been more fun because I’m not so hard on myself. I KNOW that he would not give me anything he didn’t think I couldn’t do. And therefore I KNOW that if he’s giving it to me, I’ll be able to do it eventually. And the only way to get there is to keep doing it AD NAUSEUM. Or at least repeatedly. So I’ve just pushed through and not let my brain go thinky.
And the funny thing is that when I do that, my progress is actually much faster. Which he had said. (I hate it when he’s right. I so rarely win with him. I think I won one argument once.)
So I’m in a really good place with dance right now. Which of course I then start thinking it’s going to crash soon. Because I’m Irish, and the other shoe always drops. But I have dance camp this week – 15 lessons in one week! So I’m going to try to keep this attitude for this week. And I’ll probably collapse at the end of the week.