Looking in the mirror again.

12 Nov

People have been holding up the mirror for me again. I’ve talked about that before, and before, and before, and before. (Apparently this is a recurring thing for me.) I’m always shocked by how others see me.

For instance, I’ve been called “disciplined” about 3 times in the last month. Which is intriguing. Because to me, discipline is a negative. It means rigid, controlling, this…

bad-discipline

But clearly these people meant it as a compliment. Typical me, I can tell you exactly where I’m not disciplined. In case you’re wondering, it’s diet, exercise, and dance homework. But these people have helped me see that I am disciplined. I do eat fairly well for the most part. (Don’t look at last week though.) I do work out at least 3 times a week. (Let’s ignore last week on that.) I do practice dance on my own, maybe not as often as I would like. I do laundry every Sunday. I make food for the following week on Sundays. I pay my bills and track my expenses every weekend. So I am disciplined, but in a good way.

I was told today that I’m beautiful. Now, that one is difficult. Because I know I’m not beautiful. (Which sounds totally narcissistic or that I’m fishing for compliments – neither of which is the case.) And again, being me, I can tell you in what ways I’m not. (See my nose and my weight around the middle. And my height.) But the fact that someone thinks that I might be beautiful? And this is not the first person to tell me that. It does not compute in my poor little brain. Because yes, I still see myself like this…

fat-girl

But having someone point out that I might be considered beautiful? Makes me think about what my good assets are, and makes me realize there are some. And how someone might actually think I’m cute.

Still…

mind-blown

2 Responses to “Looking in the mirror again.”

  1. B November 13, 2013 at 11:35 am #

    I’m terrible at taking compliments and even worse at realistically seeing myself, so I can relate to all of this. I really do want to know what people think of me… but then sometimes I really, really don’t! 🙂

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