Good/bad friend

4 Nov

I’m a bad friend.

I don’t call my friends and see them as much as I would like, especially the ones outside my immediate circle of good friends. SP, MK, LS, SH, DP, ND…I see and talk to them all the time. But others, I don’t contact them as much as I would like to. For example, my good friend SS was here this summer. She lives in Asia, and she came back to Minnesota in June. I kept meaning to call and see her since she was actually within 45 minutes of me and not literally halfway around the world. I never did, and she left last week to go back to Korea. That makes me sad – that I couldn’t get around to call her and get over my slight phone social anxiety to call. FAIL.

My roommate SR moved at the end of June. I have no idea what happened, but she stopped talking to me right after that. I considered her one of my really close friends, and all of the sudden she doesn’t talk to me anymore. I even sent a message to her saying, hey I noticed this, I miss you, I’d love to know what happened, and she never responded. And I didn’t get invited to the wedding either. So clearly I did something (although I honestly cannot tell you what that might even remotely be), so clearly I was a bad friend to her in some way. FAIL.

I have a few people from high school that I’ve reconnected with on Facebook. We have great Facebook conversations, and when I see them at a random social event, they say we should get together sometime. Then when I message them to set up a date, I never hear back. FAIL.

But on the other hand…

I have friends that say I’m a very important person to them. I had two friends last week go through some sort of crisis, and for both of them, I was able to be there and listen and share my experiences and perspective. Both said I was a huge help. WIN.

I have friends that I talk to on a regular basis, and they contact ME. It’s not always me driving the friendship. And that tells me that I mean a lot to them. WIN.

I’m very loyal to my friends. And they say that I’m an important part of their lives. WIN.

I give gifts, including awesome pumpkin hats I knit for babies which look so damn cute, if I do say so myself.


I just have a hard time reconciling these things. Am I a good friend or a bad one? Am I both? How can I be both? I know I’ll probably never have an answer to this; it’s just been on my mind a lot.

If any of you have any ideas on this, I’d love to hear them!

One Response to “Good/bad friend”

  1. travellingandteaching November 4, 2013 at 5:52 am #

    I had a similar mental crisis about a month back. I was feeling like a horrible person coz I was having similar experiences- making contact, never hearing back, or having a good few people do a no show at a party I had when I got back to town. But, as you say, both parties need to drive the friendship. I realised the people that are worth calling ‘friend’ might be few in number, and spread around the world… But I’d rather have that handful of loveliness than a huge group of mediocrity…

Have a comment? Let me know your thoughts!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: