I’m a short, fat kid

22 Dec

Not really. I carry a little bit of extra weight, probably 10-15 pounds. But I know that I’m not fat. I am short – 5’3″ to be exact – and I’m OK with that.

But body image is a messed up thing. I look in the mirror, and I see a fat girl. I look at my pictures and video from dancing, and I see someone who has a wider middle than they should. I KNOW I don’t look like this


but that’s what I see in the mirror.

I grew up in a certain suburb of Minneapolis that (general opinion agrees) places a lot of emphasis on looks and outward appearances. In high school, I weighed less than 100 pounds until my junior year. Not that I was trying to stay thin; that’s just how my body was. But because I had a little extra weight around the middle (which ps everyone in my family does), I thought I was fat. When my husband and I separated, I was at my heaviest – close to 170 pounds. I lost about 15 pounds, and then over the last two years I’ve lost another 20. And right now, I feel like I’m in the best shape I’ve been in. I may not be the thinnest I’ve been, but I’m the strongest, the most flexible, the most poised, with the best posture and the best cholesterol/glucose numbers.

So why do I still see a fat girl in the mirror?

I”m working on changing that body image. Working hard. But it means undoing years of belief about myself, and that’s hard to do.

This has been on my mind lately for a reason. I follow this awesome blog called Dancing with Stefanie. She’s a ballroom dancer in Arizona (I think? Not sure exactly where), and it chronicles her dance journey. She’s a bit overweight, which impacts her dancing. The blog used to talk about dancing, how it impacts her life, and how it’s pushing her to get in better shape.

Then she renamed the blog. To “Biggest Girl in the Ballroom“.

I haven’t talked to her yet about it. But the new title bothers me a little. To me, it’s putting too much focus on her appearance and is taking away from her focus on dancing and the joy it’s bringing her.

And that made me think about my own thoughts about my shape. And it’s kinda giving me a little bit of a wake-up call.

And it’s making me realize that I’m not a fat kid.

Although I will always be a short kid.


6 Responses to “I’m a short, fat kid”

  1. Marsha Wiest-Hines December 22, 2012 at 3:16 pm #

    Short, pretty much. Fat? Not so much. Believe me, I know. :o)


  1. Tuppa Guska « Biggest Girl In The Ballroom - December 23, 2012

    […] With Stefanie.” It bothered her a little bit, enough that she commented about it here and then reached out to me to see if I wanted to do a guest post in response which was all totally […]

  2. A controversial blog name « The Reinvented Lass - December 26, 2012

    […] a little bit ago when I was talking about being short and fat? In that post, I mentioned a fantastic blog I follow and how she had changed the name from […]

  3. Body image is relative | The Reinvented Lass - August 5, 2013

    […] I look. My body shape. And the extra bit of fat around my middle. And I’ve talked about that before. But it has gotten better over the last few years. Mainly I think because I’ve lost a few […]

  4. Looking in the mirror again. | The Reinvented Lass - November 12, 2013

    […] have been holding up the mirror for me again. I’ve talked about that before, and before, and before, and before. (Apparently this is a recurring thing for me.) I’m always shocked by how others […]

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