Cranky pants = FAIL

19 Nov

I have had cranky pants on for a week or so now, and today was really bad.

I’m not sure what triggered this particular episode. But I know that when I have cranky pants on, I start to think I fail at EVERYTHING.

Work? FAIL. I like my job, but we’re in the slow period right now. And that makes me think I’m not needed and I’m not having an impact. That I don’t matter. And we all know how tough that is for me.

Exercise? FAIL. I started back at the gym last week. And now my shins hurt a tiny bit after today’s run. I’m going to get through this 9-week couch to 5K program, just to finish it. But then I’ll probably need to give up running. Which means I can’t do something a lot of other people have no problem doing. And I’ll need to do cardio on a bike, which means taking MORE time to workout to get the same effect. Boo.

Diet? Big ol’ FAIL. The last month or two, I’ve gotten off my eating plan and I’ve gained 5-6 pounds. It doesn’t sound like a lot, I know, but it makes me self-conscious and I feel huge. Like HUGE. Like must-not-tuck-in-any-shirts-ever huge. I know I’m an emotional eater. But knowing it and stopping it are different. I also used to drink a gallon – yes a GALLON – of water a day. I haven’t done that in almost a month. Dehydrated fail.

Money? FAIL. I spend too much. Not drastically too much, but more than I’d like. There are psychological roots to this which I’m working on. But in the meantime, it’s another area I fail at. (Anyone have any great ideas on tracking expenses?)

Friends? Little fail. I see my friends but not as much lately. No particular reason other than schedules. But it makes me feel like I have no friends.

Dance? MegaFAIL. Showcase was a week ago, and it went well. That day, I felt like I was dancing the best I ever had. And then I watched the video. And felt like I had no reason to be out on the floor.

Harumph.

Do I know none of this is true? Of course I do. The rationale, intellectual side of me totally gets it. But the emotional side would beg to differ with you. Is some of this hormonal? Probably. Can I change this thought process? Yep, I can. It takes work though.

But I need to do that. Not only do I need to stop thinking that I’m failing at life (stopitstopitstopitstopit), but I need to focus on these areas to improve on them. Especially diet and exercise since they feel the weakest at any time.

Writing this helps purge the feelings. I think it’s a good start. Tomorrow, I will have fun at the Thanksgiving potluck at the studio. I will focus on the areas I excel in.

And I will remember the words of the great Groucho Marx.

9 Responses to “Cranky pants = FAIL”

  1. Shannon November 19, 2012 at 10:45 pm #

    Big hug, and I suggest another cup of coffee pronto! My world can pretty much fark off at this point, so I definitely feel you on this kind of stuff. It will get better for both of us.

    • The Reinvented Lass November 19, 2012 at 10:46 pm #

      Thanks, dearie. You’re such an awesome friend. We should Skype soon. 🙂

  2. Marsha November 20, 2012 at 7:49 am #

    I can speak to just one thing here. DO NOT take your dance video too seriously. I’m know you read Kate’s blog. Go a review her most recent post on watching dance video. It makes EVERYONE crazy. Not just you. Don’t let your video self-appraisal steal a golden Sunday from you. Remember how it felt. Isn’t that why you do it?

    We all wear cranky pants sometimes. You’ll take them off one day soon. Big hug to you.

    • The Reinvented Lass November 20, 2012 at 10:07 am #

      Thanks. I look at my video, and I see stiff arms, vacant facial expressions, and a short & wide person. I have talked to my teacher of course, and I think he thinks I’m crazy. He sees the good dancing. I know I will too eventually. But SIGH.

  3. B November 20, 2012 at 8:39 am #

    I know exactly how you feel. I sometimes get mood swings where, no matter what happens, nothing is good enough, nothing is working, and nothing ever will. And I am with you, I know deep down I’m being absurd, but I can’t get my mood convinced of it. I don’t really have any great advice for you other than to just ride it out and keep writing. If you’re like me, you don’t even want advice, you just want to get it off your chest, and I hope that helped. And if you figure out the trick to not emotionally eat, please let me know! Hugs.

    • The Reinvented Lass November 20, 2012 at 10:12 am #

      Thanks B. The best advice I can give myself is to self-talk out of the negative thoughts. Which I need to do here. But oy it’s hard. So difficult.

      I’m getting professional help on the eating and spending thing. If I get any great pearls of wisdom, I’ll fer sher share them. Hugs to you too, chickie!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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