Slipping into the thinky place

23 Oct

It’s been a while since I wrote about the thinky place…actually a month and a half. And it’s because I haven’t really gone there since I temporarily moved there after Dance-O-Rama.

I got there this weekend though. And of course, it started with dance.

In my lesson, I felt like I was messing up basic things, and I was getting frustrated. My teacher, to his credit, seemed surprised because to him, it felt like it was going really well. But I felt I was screwing up easy things I haven’t screwed up in a long time. And then I started thinking about how I was messing up. And I was getting more and more frustrated with myself. When I left, I wanted to cry. Which means I was super frustrated.

And then I realized (after brooding about it for a while). Saturday was Mr Big’s birthday. I haven’t told you much about him, and I’m still not going to. Out of respect for his privacy. But he was a very big part of my life and I do still miss him – or at least the idea of him. Even though it’s been 3 years, I still wonder how he is sometimes.

I think his birthday kinda caught up with me unexpectedly. I haven’t thought about him in a while. And I was caught off guard by the emotions that hit. And dance, I think, was simply the catalyst.

So tonight I went to the dance studio to try and pull myself out of it. And didn’t have much luck. Afterwards it hit me: I’m starting to go back to the place I was after Dance-O-Rama. I’m waiting for someone to make me feel better.

ENOUGH. Starting NOW, I’m going to fake it to make it again, just like I did after Dance-O-Rama. I will make myself happy. I will give myself a talking-to before I go anywhere, especially the studio. I will be positive.

And I won’t let this happen…

3 Responses to “Slipping into the thinky place”

  1. Marsha October 24, 2012 at 3:41 pm #

    Yup, could be other stuff entirely, but also, for what this is worth, basic technique is something that everyone perfects constantly, and the more you know, the more there is to get right. Even top pros work their basic actions constantly. You know more now. There is more to get right. Really. Have patience with youor beautiful self.

    • The Reinvented Lass October 24, 2012 at 10:10 pm #

      True. And thanks. My teacher also pointed out that sometimes you just have an off day like that.

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  1. Weekly roundup « The Reinvented Lass - October 29, 2012

    […] a trip to the thinky […]

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