In writing the weekly roundup, I realized that I didn’t do much last week. I mean, I did, but it was all the usual. Work, dance, make food…nothing new or exciting.
And that’s kinda my problem lately. I’ve been sinking inward and trying to shrink and hide. I used to be like this all the time, but it’s really changed the last five years or so. I’ve been able to kick that part of me and be more active, more positive. But not lately. In writing the roundup, I think I just hadn’t realized how bad it had gotten.
Part of it is honest life stress. My parents are moving in a month, I’m moving in a few weeks. So I’m busy trying to work both jobs, plan my move, and help them pack and prep for theirs.
BUT…that doesn’t excuse the shrinking. I shrink away from the things that are giving me energy, strength and happiness. Dance. Writing. Baking. Hanging out with friends.
So I need to make a very conscious effort to seek out those things and deliberately make time for them. It may mean forgoing sleep. But I’ve learned that I actually have more energy and happiness in the long run if I get a little less sleep but am doing these things.
The problem is that this needs to be a conscious effort. My instinct right now is to just hide. Be in the background. Don’t do anything to be noticed. I’m going to need to fight that instinct hard, and do it during a very busy and stressful time. It might be what I need to start being happy again.