The line was a dot to me

10 Mar

This week has been a tough one. I screwed up with one of my friends big time on Tuesday. In the course of conversation with him, I asked him a question that was more personal that we typically talk. And as soon as I said it, I knew I shouldn’t have asked it. And of course, it was right as he was going into a meeting, so I couldn’t talk to him then.

It may not sound like a big deal, but he has a very strict, thick line about some personal information. I respect that line. I think it’s a bit thicker than it needs to be, but it’s his line and I respect that. I think he was offended that I would cross that line.

I called him the next morning and apologized. Me: “I know that I crossed a line yesterday and I’m really sorry.” Him: “Yes, you really did.” I just felt HORRIBLE. Because of my childhood, I often have a fear that people are going to leave me and not be my friend anymore when things like this happen. It’s hard in a moment like this to not have that fear rear its head again. We talked it through, and by the end of the conversation things were cool.

Except I’m having trouble facing him. I just feel terrible and disappointed in myself. And I don’t know how to get back to happy and jokey with him. When I saw him Wednesday, he was very nice and kind and was trying his best to be normal and get us back to normal. But I’m just not able to get there yet. I’m hoping that I can work through this today in my therapy session. Because it sucks to feel awkward around friends. And there’s a bigger issue of why do I still have this fear of people leaving? And why am I beating myself up so much about this?

Of course, during this week, this whole situation of crossing the line reminds me of this:

I know time will make this better, and eventually our friendship will be back to normal.

5 Responses to “The line was a dot to me”

  1. dramaqueenseams March 10, 2012 at 11:03 pm #

    I hope it all works out for the best… You just have to keep on looking forward at all the positives in your life.

    Jeanna

    • The Reinvented Lass March 11, 2012 at 9:21 am #

      Thanks, Jeanna. Sometimes that’s hard to keep in mind. But you’re right!

      Cathy

  2. Robyn Couillard March 11, 2012 at 12:21 pm #

    The idea that I disappoint others or that {gasp} others may not like me is always a bitter pill for me to swallow. I applaud you for stepping up and apologizing and acknowledging – THAT is HUGE! You are a good, genuine person who is working hard to live the best life you can – no one is perfect – the best we can do is our best!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Weekly roundup « The Reinvented Lass - March 13, 2012

    […] *Crossed a line with a friend of mine and felt really bad. […]

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