I’ve had a rough couple of weeks. A fight with my sister, slow days at work, PMS, and overthinking things led to terrible eating and no working out.
Now I feel like a fat slow cow. I know I’m not, but I feel terrible. And it was a slope that I allowed myself to continue down. All the while beating myself up about what I was doing. And spending money for to-go food in the process.
So now my checkbook is lower than it should be – not hugely, but it doesn’t go well with my trying to stay within budget. And I have more body fat than I did – not a ton, not even really noticeable but still. And my brain has been beating me up for about a week.
My poor dance teacher has had to deal with much of this. Not directly, not that he knows about all this. But my attitude has been poor – very down on myself, very much thinking no one wants me around the studio. And work – my patience is very thin at work right now as a result of all this too. Thankfully, not in a noticeable way. But at work, especially at my part-time job, I’ve had a tough time keeping my mouth shut around some coworkers.
So now I’m giving myself a stern talking to. STOP IT. Stop the bad self-talk, stop the poor eating (DF, that dinner tonight was awesome but may have been the last straw), start moving your ass and working out, start enjoying dance again by being glad to be there.
You know, if you think it’s going to suck, it’s going to suck. Self-talk can be helpful when you use it in a positive way. So I’m going to do my best to change things around this week.
A few weeks ago, I tried to bribe myself about going to the gym. In the middle of that week was the fight with my sister, which threw everything out of whack. So I’m trying again. This week, I think I can get to the gym three or four times. If I do, I’ll reward myself. (How, I’m not quite sure.) I also have a slight competition with my boss, although I’m not sure he’s aware of it. He runs at the gym at work over lunch, and he’s determined to go 4 times a week. The last few weeks, he’s only made it three times. And I get to harass him when he doesn’t make his goal. So now I have additional motivation to get to the gym – I can gloat if I make my goal and he doesn’t.
I can’t spend any more time on how bad I’ve treated myself and how badly I’ve taken care of myself in the last week and a half. I need to just look and move forward. And do what I need to do to take care of myself. Because I deserve to be taken care of well. And I will try to keep this in mind: