How to ask for help

30 Dec

I was with some friends last night. My friend NM was trying very hard throughout the evening to make me laugh and cheer me up. I felt bad that he felt the need to make such efforts, which made me feel worse. I didn’t like that someone felt obligated to try so hard to make me feel better; I didn’t want to be a burden to him or anyone.

Later in the evening, we had a conversation about it. When I told him all that, he told me that he was trying to help because he wanted to, because we’re friends and he cares about me. He said that his personality was a white-knight personality in that he really likes to help others. And I rarely let him help me.

And I realized: I’m too independent sometimes. Years ago, I had to learn to count on myself and not trust others to help. Now, I have plenty of others to count on and to help me, but I don’t ask and don’t let them because I don’t want to be a burden. In my head, I should only depend on myself to get through the difficult times. (And my therapist.)

So I don’t know how to ask others to help me when I go through these times. (Which by the way I remember happening last Christmas too.) And if they try to help me anyway, I don’t let them. I feel bad when they do because I don’t think it should be their job to help me.

Yet another thing to work on: allowing others to help me and learning how to ask for that help. I need to realize that my friends are helping me because they want to not because they feel obligated to do so. Because they care about me. I don’t need to be so strong that I can’t lean on others at times. I tend to forget that and try to rely only on myself.

So starting today, to help me get over this trip to the thinky place that I can’t seem to return from, I will ask my friends to help me. And I will do my best to allow them to help me, especially when they are helping of their own accord and not because I asked. And I will try to accept that it’s OK for others to help me.

If you see me today, just give me a smile to let me know you care.

3 Responses to “How to ask for help”

  1. Heather December 30, 2011 at 1:31 pm #

    Thanks for having coffee with me yesterday. I had a good time. Consider this my smile. 😉


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