What am I afraid of?

7 Nov

Remember how I talked before about how really good I am at sabotaging myself? Yeah I haven’t really done a good job of making good decisions about food and exercise since then.-

I’ve been working with an awesome nutritionist to try and reshape how I eat and exercise and therefore lose the last 5 pounds. And in talking to her today about things and my frustration with myself, we realized that I have some sort of fear that is getting in my way. I seem to be afraid of reaching this goal, and I don’t know why.

It reminded me of dance too. My teacher Nate often says that the biggest problem with my dancing is my lack of belief in myself. So why don’t I believe him and others who tell me how good I am? Why don’t I look at other dancers and see how I’m better? Why can I intellectually tell you I’m good and I’m very talented, but emotionally I have such a hard time believing it? Again I seem to be afraid of this, and I don’t know why.

What is getting in my way so much? And how do I stop it?

My nutritionist brought up a good point too: do I really want this fear of whatever-it-is to have so much control over me? The answer is not really. So I need to really focus on each meal and eating what I really should. I also need to look at the appointments in my schedule for the gym, and even though they are not “real” appointments (just appointments with myself), I need to really treat them as real appointments and work out.

I know all the benefits of doing this. I also just have a hard time with long-term goals. I need to figure out how to break down this long-term goal of getting to a certain dress size into smaller parts to help me stay focused and stay on track. She and I thought of some ideas. But I think listing my workouts in my weekly recap here might help me too, because you all can help me stay on track. And if you ask me to lunch or dinner, help me stay honest and make good, healthy decisions.

So I’m going to do my best to keep this in mind and take it one day, one meal, and one workout at a time. I think if I can make my goal, I will really prove something to myself. I really need to conquer this. And I hope I can. Right now, I’m feeling motivated to do so, and I hope this motivation stays with me.

One Response to “What am I afraid of?”


  1. Resolutions, I mean refocus « The Reinvented Lass - January 2, 2012

    […] thus allowing me to lose the last 10 pounds. I have to lose that weight, because as I’ve mentioned before, there is something in me that makes me afraid of that success. I need to succeed to overcome […]

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