I’m good at sabotage

15 Sep

I’m really good at sabotaging myself.

Makes me think of Boris Badenov…”Get moose and squirrel.” (Didn’t you love Rocky & Bullwinkle? I did. I loved all the characters: Dudley Do-Right, Tennessee Tuxedo and Chumley, Mr Peabody and Sherman…awesome!)

I have a history of starting new initiatives for self-improvement, both physically and mentally. The problem is I get a few days into it, and then I have a hard time making myself continue.

In the moment, I sit there and think, “it would be best if I did this and I know I’ll feel bad if I don’t” but then I don’t do it. Today was a great example of that. I went to lunch with a friend. I was debating between ordering the chicken stir-fry and the chicken-bacon-ranch sandwich. I knew the stir-fry would be better for me and would fit in my eating plan more. But I ordered the sandwich with fries. Then I ate half the sandwich, thought that I should take the other half to go, and then ate the other half.

I was going to work out after work today. (OK, that’s not what I look like when I work out.) I was meeting friend LS for dinner at 6, so that gave me plenty of time. But I was so full from lunch, I just stayed late at work. Hello? If I’m feeling full and gross from eating too much and the wrong kind of food, that’s exactly when I should go to the gym.

I don’t get why I do this. I’m so bad at self-care! I want to lose the last 10 pounds, and I’m working with a great nutritionist. I’ve actually made great progress. And then the last few weeks, it’s been terrible. Making bad food choices. Missing workouts. Not getting enough sleep. (As I sit here writing at 11pm.)

I think part of me subconsciously thinks it’s easier to sabotage myself than to try and fail. But I so want to lose the last 10 pounds!! So how do I motivate myself to hang in there and stick to it knowing that I won’t fail if I do it? I’m better at not beating myself up when I do screw up. But how do I stick to the decision I know to be the better one?

One step at a time. I just need to remind myself in the moment to not take the easy road. And remind myself that this decision is the first step towards my goal of finally (!) being at my goal weight. I don’t know how else to make myself stick to this path of eating well, working out and getting enough sleep. And maybe by posting this, my friends who are so good at telling me the truth (hi RM!) will help keep me on the path. Although really, it’s up to me to stay on the path.

I think this is something I really need to focus on and pay attention to. I’m not sure if it’s important if I figure out why I sabotage myself. Right now, I’m just going to focus on not doing it and making good decisions. One step, one meal, one workout day at a time.

“To keep the body in good health is a duty, otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear.”

9 Responses to “I’m good at sabotage”

  1. Denise September 16, 2011 at 8:02 am #

    One step at a time is the way to go, Cath. Celebrate your triumphs, and there are many. xo

  2. your friendly nutritionist, Kelly :) September 17, 2011 at 8:44 am #

    Dearest Cathy,
    You are brave for sharing your thoughts and deepest feelings. You are also doing the healthy thing by recognizing your behaviors and dowfalls and owning it. That’s hard to do – being honest and out there with short-comings. First let me say, that you need realize you are stronger than you give yourself credit for, which leads me to my second point…YOU ARE WORTHY! Worthy of happiness, health and anything good and positive. That, in my humble opinion, is what you need to embrace in order to do away with the self-sabotage behaviors you experience. You matter. You are special, unique and amazing. But you need to believe that in order to start to be kind to yourself and allow good, healthy positive things to enter your life. You, yes you, can have that. If you are truly in the mind-set of “starting over in your life”, start at the very core with what’s inside you, and learn to love yourself. :).

  3. Sana Johnson-Quijada MD October 2, 2011 at 7:02 pm #

    awesome post. i like your writing style too. very fun. i just referenced this post in my blog. so good. keep on.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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