As you know, I entered the online dating pool a few weeks ago. Since then, I’ve viewed enough profiles that I’ve come up with a list of rules. Guys, if you’re looking for a mostly-normal woman like me and countless others, try sticking to these rules. It will help you get dates from these women.
1. Smile in your pictures! Most woman I know do not want to be with an uber-serious guy or a complete hard-ass. Most of us like guys with sense of humor, and a smile in your picture shows us that you have one. And don’t wear a muscle tank in your picture. That looks like you’re overly proud of your body but not proud in a secure way. If you have a good body, we can tell in any picture.
2. Related to #1: don’t use staged pictures to show us you have a sense of humor. Making a silly face in a forced situation just looks awkward.
3. Have your friends take a picture if you don’t have one to use already. The standing-in-my-bathroom-taking-a-picture-with-my-cell-phone picture just looks weird and awkward.
4. Don’t put in your profile that “people say I’m cocky but I’m really not” or “people say I seem stand-offish and egotistical when they meet me but I’m just misunderstood”. If people are telling you that, pay attention. Perception is reality and while you may not think you’re cocky or stand-offish, you apparently come across that way. Most of us aren’t interested in meeting someone who we know will seem cocky at first meeting.
5. The phrase “no offense” in your profile simply highlights what you’re saying is offensive. Saying “no offense but if you’re vegetarian, we can’t date” is just insulting to vegetarians. And how do you know you couldn’t date a vegetarian? You could be missing out on an awesome girl just because she’s a vegetarian.
6. Please do not go on about how you’re looking for THE ONE and you want a long-term relationship and you’re not interested in just dating. Every relationship starts with a first date. It’s too much pressure if I know you’re going into a date wondering if I’m the one you’re going to marry. I go into a first date (well, in theory, I haven’t actually been on a first date in a while) just wondering if I like you enough to have a second date. Slow down there, cowboy – take it one step at a time.
7. Don’t reference Mom in your profile. If the most important person in your life is your mother, we’re probably going to think that a) you’re a momma’s boy (ew) or b) you have an unnatural attachment to your mother (ew). Just say “family is the most important thing in my life”.
8. When listing the things you can’t live without, it’s not funny to say “oxygen and food”. No duh, Sherlock. That tells us nothing about who you are. Listing things like “my family, my friends, my cats, my house and laughter” is good as it tells us something about who you are and what’s important to you.
9. If you’re divorced, to say that your kids are “OK now after the divorce” makes us wonder how messed up they were during the divorce and if it was more than the normal amount. What kind of baggage would we need to deal with if we got into a relationship with you?
10. Spell check and edit! Pay attention to the little red squiggly lines under the words and fix them. And this isn’t a text message…take the time to spell out words and avoid “LOL” and “OMG”. We’re not 14, people. (Er, maybe you are? If so, stop it!)
Having said all that, I do appreciate honesty in a profile. I just think that everyone needs to keep in mind that they’re selling themselves with this profile too.
I know writing a profile is a difficult thing to do, but take the time to do it right – it will make a difference. Have a friend help you write it. They can give you really good feedback on what works in it, what doesn’t, and what makes you seem like a loser. And go back and edit it periodically. When you look at your own profile after seeing many other profiles, you’ll find some things you want to change. I know I did. 🙂
“Dating is primarily a numbers game. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is.”