Cranky pants

1 Sep

I’m usually a very happy person. I tend to keep any emotions in so it’s sometimes hard to tell when I’m not happy. With really good friends, it’s harder for me not to show emotions. Not that I mind showing emotions; I just don’t think everyone needs to see my thoughts and feelings. I’m more introspective, and I don’t want to burden others with my problems. So I tend to keep it all in at least where most people are concerned. Don’t get me wrong – I process emotions and feel things, and I do discuss stuff with my good friends. I’m just not a wear-your-heart-on-your-sleeve person.

Sometimes however I get cranky. It tends to be when I’m really stressed or really tired or some combination of both. Unfortunately, it comes out of nowhere and without warning at times. I’ll be going along, feeling pretty good. Then one thing happens and suddenly I realize I’m wearing cranky pants. Usually when it happens, I can get through the moment (or moments) and get back to a relatively happy state. Sometimes though I lose the battle, and the Irish in me comes out.

It’s been a stressful exhausting week. This past weekend was the Dance-O-Rama I couldn’t go to (as I mentioned before), and work is super stressful and bad right now. One of my friends has a slightly annoying habit that usually amuses me. However, yesterday, he did his little annoying thing and I snapped at him. Not full Irish coming out at him, but it was an overreaction to what happened. And it was right before I left, so I didn’t talk to him again before I left. I was hoping to talk to him today, but with my schedule and his, it just didn’t happen.

So all day I’ve been worrying on and off about this. I know that he doesn’t really care if I snapped at him because he knows it was just a moment and I’ll get over it. But when I was a kid, I had people who stopped being my friend because of my temper. (Believe me, the temper was a heck of a lot worse when I was little. It took me a LONNNNNGGGGGG time to learn how to manage it.) So I still have that fear when I lose my temper (or overreact or am overly sad) that whoever bore the brunt of it will stop being my friend. I know my good friends wouldn’t do that, but the ten-year-old in me still pushes the thought to the front of my mind.

Today I kept worrying about my friend and would he stay mad at me? We’ve had our arguments in the past and come out OK, but would this be the one that ended our friendship? The rationale part of me says no, but my emotions are still that scared little kid. I think part of it is I feel very comfortable with him and we’ve had lots of conversations about issues and emotions, so it’s now hard for me to not show him my emotions. So I’ve done a lot of self-talk today to try and help me get out of my thinky place. Nothing good happens in the thinky place. But I wasn’t having a ton of success.

I had plans to meet my friend JH for drinks after work, and that turned out to be the most helpful thing. It is always delightful to see her, and we have a lot of fun. Plus I got to have a few glasses of wine which relaxes me and helps me chill out. So I feel much better after hanging out with her and talking things over with her. I’m still a bit nervous to talk to my friend tomorrow, but I also know it’ll be fine and he won’t even remember that I snapped at him.

Bottom line: Avoid the thinky place as much as possible. Try not to let the Irish fly out at people. And don’t wear cranky pants. And maybe get more sleep.

“Stress is the trash of modern life – we all generate it but if you don’t dispose of it properly, it will pile up and overtake your life.”

2 Responses to “Cranky pants”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Off the rails « Starting Over In My Life - September 3, 2011

    […] when I get stressed and tired, in addition to getting uber-sensitive (see my previous post about that), I get too tired to fight my natural tendencies. So I let the negative emotions win, I […]

  2. Off the rails « The Reinvented Lass - November 26, 2011

    […] when I get stressed and tired, in addition to getting uber-sensitive (see my previous post about that), I get too tired to fight my natural tendencies. So I let the negative emotions win, I […]

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